Yeah, so my last news post on here was for the 10th anniversary of my Newgrounds account, which was in 2018, which means I did not make a single news post throughout all of 2019, despite having many chances and much to talk about. I just kept putting it off for whatever reason, and even when I made an update video in January, I still put off making a news post, 'cause I didn't just wanna copy-paste my bullet list I used as a guide for the update video and then link the update video and be like "listen to it if you want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 'cause it would feel disingenuous, and even at this point linking it wouldn't be much use because a lot of it is just inaccurate now because so much time has passed that things I talked about that I wanted to get out at certain times just haven't come out and aren't coming out, but it's still worth watching at least to know what I was up to in 2019, I guess.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68oS73m0VwI
If you wanna just skip to 2019 in review, go to 9:53, if not though, all you really need to know is I didn't get a lot of creative work done due to a mix of working two jobs, one being full time, for a few months, plus depression, as always.
So what happened to the stuff I said would come out in January and February? Well, I ended up getting sick at the end of January, and I continued to be sick for pretty much all of February. The worst of the sickness lasted for 2 weeks, but i was still recovering/mildly sick for another two weeks, in which time I didn't get anything done because I was horribly depressed, and then after finally getting to be productive for two days in a row, I got sick again, and I think I'm finally better now? My sinuses still feel a little fucked at times, but I feel good enough to get back to work, so I should probably do that before I get horribly depressed again. Oh wait, I already am :'(
Anyways, today is my 25th birthday, and surprise, I didn't manage to get any big project done before it, so much like not losing my virginity before 18, I am a complete failure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah, but I am gonna try harder now to really get shit done. For a while now I've considered 25 the real start of adulthood (because that's apparently when your brain becomes fully developed) so it's time to actually get my shit together. Too bad the days leading up to this (and really the whole year so far) has been shit. I don't wanna go into specifics 'cause it's just the same old family bullshit that keeps getting brought back up because it was never resolved, but suffice to say I've been feeling pretty fucking dead lately. I've lost count of how many mental breakdowns I've had since the new year. I swear my mental health has been rapidly declining and it's just another sign that I need to get the fuck out of my step-dad's house as soon as possible, so all the more reason to get my shit together ASAP.
There's a lot of shit that's getting in the way of this though. I've applied for probably over 100 jobs since moving back here, and none of them will hire me, though I did get two interviews that I thought went well, but one of them required an actual driver's license and I only have a permit so I couldn't get that, and that job was 5 minutes away from my house so it would've been perfect. So why don't I just get my driver's license? Well, because I've never driven. I only just got my learner's permit last year, because I figured it was time and I didn't just want to go straight for the license because I didn't have any driving experience, and although I did so well on the written driving test that I didn't even have to finish it (I didn't get a single question wrong so I guess I just automatically got a high enough score to pass), actually driving is a different story, and I didn't want to waste any more money potentially failing it because I've never driven, so I got the permit as a stepping stone, intending to get some driving experience in and eventually get the license. But then I never got a chance to drive before having to move back into my step-dad's house, because my roommate was always too busy to let me drive his car. I figured my step-dad would surly let me drive his van though, he'd get to experience the joy of teaching his (step) son how to drive. I was stupid to think this. I was stupid to think my step-dad could ever act like a normal fucking human being with any compassion or empathy. Maybe there is some hope though. I figure the reason he won't let me drive the van is because I'm not on the insurance, so simple solution: get on the insurance. I'm gonna need to be making more money before I can do that though, so you can see why this shit is so frustrating. Everything's a never-ending cycle of the same shit.
So in order to help with this, and just to try and stop being such a leech, soon I'm going to attempt to finally be a freelance artist and start doing commissions. I intended to start doing this LAST month, but you know, then I got sick all fucking month. So this month that will start. Probably.
I feel like I had more to say, but I've lost my train of thought again so whatever, I guess I said enough for now. Maybe I'll finally take advantage of the fact that I can post these on the front page every 2 weeks and actually make another news post two weeks from now. Or maybe I'll go another year, who knows.
The only birthday wish that matters
ninjamuffin99
lov the NG birthday thing hehe
artistunknown
I look forward to it every year ;)